This has been an eventful month! I hit my first weight loss plateau and haven’t lost any pounds in over a month. But, I’m trying not to let that get to me because I’m still seeing changes in my body, still seeing things get smaller, and still noticing more room in my clothes. Working out is definitely paying off! Not only can I walk up a flight (or 3) of stairs without losing my breath but I actually had a positive flying experience when I went to DC for Cervical Cancer Day on the Hill in January. If you’ve been paying attention to TMZ, or Twitter, lately you know that Kevin Smith (AKA Silent Bob) was removed from a Southwest Airlines Flight because of his weight. This is something that every overweight person I know fears. We also fear that we’ll need seatbelt extenders, that the tray won’t open all the way because our bellies are in the way, that our hips won’t fit between the armrests… and the one that I really hate is the fear that other passengers will give us dirty looks, all the way down the aisle, until we find our seats and the person who will be sitting next to us lets out a disgusted sigh and mutters things about fat people on planes under their breath. Yes I’ve experienced some of these things on airplanes and yes they suck. However, on the flights that I took to and from DC I didn’t experience any of these things. No one sneered at me as I walked through the plane or when I went to sit next to them and my hips fit between the arm rests (and the arm rests didn’t pop up at all!!). Even though the flights themselves were delayed and completely nightmareish it was a beautiful thing to actually be comfortable on an airplane. And, it was positive reinforcement to keep working out and to keep trying to get, and stay, more fit.
Today, March 2nd, is the fifth anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. It’s something that many of us refer to as a “cancerversary”. This is a big one for me as a lot of people tend to feel that you’re just a little bit safer when you can hit that five year milestone without a recurrence. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll have many more, like decades worth, of these cancerversaries without recurrence of any kind of cancer. Today was also the day that I met with my fertility doctor to see if all of these biopsies have been worth it and to see if I can actually have children. The answer is yes. I can have children. It was kind of cool to look at the ultrasound and have him show me how many eggs I have in my ovaries. But then there are the negatives and the questions that come along with having had cervical cancer. Cervical cancer almost always takes a woman’s fertility from her whether it’s from a radical hysterectomy, radiation and chemo, or the removal of so much of her cervix that she can’t get pregnant without a doctor’s help or carry a child to term (or even close to term). Now I need to make more difficult decisions and decide how much risk I’m willing to take. This risk question and “you need to do something soon” seem to be common themes with all of the doctors in my life lately. I need to decide if I want to wait for Prince Charming to come sweep me off my feet, if that and getting pregnant can happen within the next three years, if I want to be a single mom and buy a “man in a can” (as my doc called it today) from a fertility clinic, if I want to freeze my eggs and hope that they’re viable when I want to use them, or if I want to give up hope of ever having my own child by having a hysterectomy now to reduce the risk of a cancer recurrence. This isn’t an easy decision to make. Today is a day that’s brought both smiles and tears – tears because of fear of the unknown and smiles because of the wonderful people in my life and the strength they give me every day.
Hope that you have lots of reasons to smile :-)
~Cindy
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